im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
he puts the penis in happiness.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
