she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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