a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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