just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
