What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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