So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
