Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
