It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize