We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
