The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
