Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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