Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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