I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Randomize
