if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
