We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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