You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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