i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
He told me they were just razor bumps!
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
