Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Randomize
