Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
