Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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