would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
