dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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