News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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