i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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