yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
