i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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