I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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