i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
