At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
you made out with another girl for some wings
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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