Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Green mimosas i think yes
Just invented taco cereal.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Randomize
