I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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