god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
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