I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
