What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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