I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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