you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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