And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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