i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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