i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
