I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
