I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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