some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
