Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Duck Duck Cougar?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
