I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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