ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
