I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
