At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
