I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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