sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize