It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
