I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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