idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
