OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize