omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Can't talk, ducks in the car
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
