Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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