youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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