??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
