barbara walters just said penis...
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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