I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
