Will you blow on my dice?
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
