i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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