I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Drunk is a universal language darling
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
