The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
