I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
