Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
