Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Randomize