im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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