You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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