you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
