I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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