This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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