Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
