I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Randomize
