I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
