Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
whose ass print is on the piano?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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