He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize