I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Randomize
