i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
