At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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