Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Christians are straight up FREAKS
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
