how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
