you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
be right there i have to get my cape
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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