He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
