Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
