What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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