Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
