i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
