WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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