i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
