I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
We are all done wearing pants today
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
