I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
