You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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