I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
