Just mADE A PArabola og urine
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
