last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
