Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
