doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
