omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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