I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
