John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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