who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
