Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
