It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
