I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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