Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
