There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
You are the jesus of drinking
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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