You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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