My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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