i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
How drunk are you?
Completed.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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