I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
