New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
