If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
