you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
