i think my tv is drunk
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
