I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
