remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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