I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
