3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
