You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Randomize
