Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
