I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Two words: blizzard sex
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
