If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
