I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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