I must be too annoying 4 u.
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i think i scared a bird with my dick
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
