who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
